Admonitions for Parents
Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children
1. Having children is a matter of nature; but raising them and educating them
in the virtues is a matter of mind and will. 
2. By the duty of raising them I mean not only not allowing them to die of
hunger, as people often limit their obligation toward their children to doing.
For this, is needed neither books nor rubrics, for nature speaks of it quite
loudly. I am speaking of the concern for educating childrens hearts in virtues
and pietya sacred duty which cannot be transgressed without thereby becoming
guilty of the childrens murder, in a certain sense.
3. This obligation belongs to fathers as well as mothers. There are fathers
who spare nothing in order to secure for their children teachers of pleasure and
to pander to their cravings as wealthy heirs. But so that the children would be
Christians, so that they would exercise themselves in piety, is of little need
to them. O criminal blindness! It is this very crude inattention that is
responsible for all the disorder that causes our society to groan. Let us
suppose that you have acquired large property for them. However, if they do not
know how to conduct themselves sensibly this property will not last long with
them. It will be squandered; it will perish with its owners, and will be their
most grievous inheritance.
4. Your children will always be sufficiently wealthy if they receive from you
a good upbringing that is able to order their moral life and behavior. Thus,
strive not to make them rich, but rather to make them pious masters of their
passions, rich in virtues. Teach them not to think up illusory needs, reckoning
their worth according to worldly standards. Attentively watch their deeds, their
acquaintances and their attachmentsand do not expect any mercy from God if you
do not fulfill this duty.
5. If the Apostle commands us to take more care for others than for
ourselves, and if we are guilty when we neglect their benefit, then is it not a
much greater guilt when this concerns those who are so near to us? Was it not
I, the Lord will say to us, Who gave place to these children in your family?
Was it not I Who entrusted them to your care, making you masters, guardians and
judges over them? I gave you complete authority over them; I placed all care for
their upbringing in your hands. You will tell me that they did not want to bend
their necks to the yoke, that they threw it off. But this should have been
averted from the very beginning; you should have mastered their first
impressions placed the reigns on them before they had the power to break away
from them. You should have bent their young souls under the yoke of duty,
accustomed them to it, educated them in accordance with it, bound the wound when
it first opened. You should have uprooted the tares when they first began to
sprout around the young plant, and not have waited until they put down deep
roots, when the passions have become uncontrollable and untamable through
gradual strengthening in their formation.
6. The wise Sirach says: Hast thou children? Instruct them, and bow down
their neck from their youth (Sir. 7:25). But the Lord does not only prompt us
with this command through the lips of His prophet; he even takes our side,
supporting the fulfillment of this commandment with the fearsome punishment
that awaits those children who do not submit to the authority of their parents:
Every man who shall speak evil of his father or of his mother, let him die the
death (Lev. 20:9). He punishes with death those who become guilty before you,
and you look tepidly at these sins that they commit against the highest possible
authority. They are rebelling against God Him self, transgressing His
commandments, and you look at this without the least displeasure, without the
slightest criticism of your children. What does He have to lose from their
offense? Nothing. But you, why should you not fear for your own selves? For
whoever abandons the Lord will never respect either his own father or himself.
7. Children who are submissive and faithful to God in their obedience to His
law will have found an abundant source of happiness, even in this temporal life.
A poor man with Christian morals inspires respect and love from others.
Meanwhile, with an evil and depraved heart, all your riches will not save you
from the displeasure and aversion of everyone around you.
8. The youth to whom you give a good upbringing will not only enjoy general
respect, he will also become dearer to you yourselves! Your attachment to him
will not be a mere natural attractionit will be the fruit of his virtue. For
this, during your old age, you will in turn receive from him the services of his
filial love. He will be your support. For just as those who do not revere the
Lord also have contempt for their own parents, those who revere God, the Father
of all men, will have every respect for those who gave them life.
9. Let us suppose that you fulfill the commandment of the law in every other
respect, but being unfaithful in this one commandment you will be severely
punished. Listen to this proof taken from the history of one ancient people. You
will immediately see to what terrible punishment those fathers subject
themselves who neglect their childrens upbringing. Among the Jews was one
priest who was respected for his meek character. His name was Eli. This priest
had two sons who had given themselves over to every vice. The father did not
concern himself with this and paid little attention, or if their depravity,
having reached the limit, forced him to reproach them, he did it without the
necessary fervor and authority. He should have punished them severely, thrown
them out of his presence taken strict measures in order to put a stop to the
outrage. He did nothing of the sort. He limited himself to giving them a form of
admonition: Nay, my Sons, for the report which I hear is not good; do not so (I
Kings 2:24). Is this what he should have said? They offended the One to Whom
they owe their existence, and he still accepts them as part of his family? His
admonition was useless and vain. No, this demanded not an admonition, but a
strong lesson, severe torments, a treatment as strong as the evil. He should
have used fear to root their young hearts out of this blindness. An admonition!
Elis sons had no lack of these. O useless words! O criminal meekness by which
they became victims! A war began, and the wretches became the spoils of their
enemy. When their father learned of their misfortune, he fell to the ground and,
smashing his head, died.
10. I have just told you that fathers who do not take care to give their
children a Christian upbringing are murderers of their own children. Is it not
true? Who should Eli blame for his son's death? Himself. True, the enemys sword
slew them, but the neglect of their false father directed the blow. Abandoned by
heavenly help, they appeared naked against the arrows of the Philistines. The
father destroyed himself and them. Meanwhile, we see the same thing before
ourselves daily. How many parents there are who do not want to take upon
themselves this labor of correcting their unsubmissive and unruly children! They
are as if afraid to upset their children by reigning in with stern words the
vicious tendencies to which they have submitted themselves. What is the outcome?
Their disorder increases; their impunity leads them to criminal offenses; they
are brought to trial; and the wretches die at the hands of the executioner. You
refused your personal rights over them and committed them to the severity of
civil punishment, and human justice wielded its harsh rights over them. You are
afraid to humiliate them with some light punishment in your presence; but what
horrible dishonor shall befall you when your son is no longer around, and the
father, hounded everywhere by accusing glares, no longer dares to show himself
11. Therefore I beg you to take care for the good upbringing of your
children. First of all think of the salvation of their souls. God has placed you
as the heads and teachers over your families. It is your duty to watch, and to
watch continually after the behavior of your wife and children. Listen to St.
Paul. If your wives, says he, want to learn anything, let them learn it from
their husbands. Educate your children in the teaching and instructions of the
Lord (cf. I Cor. 14:35, Eph. 6:4). Imitate Job, who continually looked after his
children and offered sacrifices for mercy towards any secret misdeeds they might
have committed (Job 1:5). Imitate Abraham, who concerned himself less with the
acquisition of riches than with the keeping of God's law by every member of his
house, and about whom the Lord witnessed: For I know that he will order his
sons, and his house after him, and they will keep the ways of the Lord, to do
justice and judgment (Gen. 18:19). David, when he was near death, wanted to
leave Solomon the surest inheritance; he called him to himself in order to
repeat the following wise instructions: that the Lord may confirm his word which
he spoke, saying, f thy children shall take heed to their way to walk before me
in truth with all their heart, I promise thee, saying, there shall not fail thee
a man on the throne of Israel (III Kings 2:4). These are the examples that we
should follow during our lives and with our final breath!
12. If good fathers would strive to give their children a good upbringing,
then we would need neither laws, judges, courts, nor punishments. Executioners
exist because we have no morality.
13. We spare neither labors nor means in order to teach our children secular
sciences, so that they can serve well the earthly authorities. Only the
knowledge of the holy Faith, the service of the Heavenly King are a matter of
indifference to us. We allow them to attend spectacles but we care little
whether they go to Church and stand within it reverently. We demand an account
from them of what they learned in their secular instituteswhy do we not demand
an account from them of what they heard in the Lord's house? 
14. Having made the necessary exhortation to children, the Apostle addresses
himself also to the fathers, saying: You fathers... bring them up in the nurture
and admonition of the Lord (Eph 6:4). Do you want your child to be obedient?
Then from the beginning bring him up in the discipline and instruction of the
Lord. Do not think that it is not necessary for a child to listen to the
Scriptures; the first thing he will hear from them will be, Honor thy father and
mother (Ex. 20:12), and immediately you will begin to reap your reward. Do not
say, Bible is for monks; am I turning my child into a monk? No! It is not
necessary for him to be a monk. Make him into a Christian! Why are you afraid of
something so good? It is necessary for everyone to know Scriptural teachings,
and this is especially true for children. Not knowing divine truths, they do
know something of the pagan stories, learning from them about wondrous lives,
about heroes in their sight, who served the passions and were afraid of death.
Such an example is Achilles, inconsolably dying for his mistress; another who
gives himself over to drunkenness, and on and on! Therefore your children need
remedies for these things, in the retribution and teachings of the Lord.
15. We are so concerned with our childrens schooling; if only we were
equally zealous in bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the
Lord! And then we wonder why we reap such bitter fruit when we have raised our
children to be insolent, licentious, impious, and vulgar. May this never hap
pen; instead, let us heed the blessed Pauls admonition to bring them up in the
discipline and instruction of the Lord. Let us give them a pattern to imitate;
from their earliest years let us teach them to study the Bible. He repeats this
over and over again, you say, we are sick of listening to it. Never will I
stop doing my duty!
16. Why do you refuse to imitate the holy men and women of old? Tell me!
Especially you mothers; think of Hannahs example; look at what she did. She
brought Samuel, her only son, to the temple, when he was only an infant! Who
among you would not rather have a son like Samuel than one who became king of
the whole world ten thousand times over? But it is impossible, you say, for
my son ever to become as great as he. Why is it impossible? Because you do not
really want it; you will not entrust him to the One who is able to make him
great. And who is that? God. Hannah commended Samuel into the hands of God. The
high priest Eli had no real ability to form him, since he even failed to form
his own children. It was the mothers faith and zeal that made everything
possible. He was her first and only child. She did not know if she would ever
have another, yet she never said, I will wait until he grows up; he should have
a taste of worldly pleasures, during his childhood at least. No; she rejected
all these thoughts, for she had only one object: how from the very beginning she
could dedicate her hearts delight to God. Be ashamed, you men, at the wisdom of
this woman. She gave Samuel to God, and with God she left him, and thus her
marriage was blessed more than ever, because her first concern was for spiritual
things. She dedicated the first-fruits of her womb to God and obtained many more
children in return. She saw Samuel honored even in this life. If men return
honor for honor, will not God do much more? He gives so much even to those who
do not honor Him at all! How long are we to be mere lumps of flesh? How long
will we cling to the ground? Let everything take second place to our care for
our children, our bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the
Lord. If from the beginning we teach them to love true wisdom, they will have
greater wealth and glory than riches can provide. If a child learns a trade, or
is highly educated for a lucrative profession all this is nothing compared to
the art of detachment from riches; if you want to make your child rich, teach
him this. He is truly rich who does not desire great possessions or surround
himself with wealth, but who requires nothing.
This is how to discipline and teach your child; this is the greatest of
riches. Do not worry about giving him an influential reputation for worldly
wisdom, but ponder deeply how you can teach him to think lightly of this lifes
passing glories; thus he will become truly renowned and glorious. Whether you
are poor or rich, you can do this; these lessons are not learned from a skillful
professor but from divine revelation. Do not ask how he can enjoy a long life
here, but how he can enjoy an infinite and eternal life in the age to come. Give
him the great things, not the little things. Do not strive to make him a clever
orator, but teach him to love true wisdom. He will not suffer if he lacks clever
words; but if he lacks wisdom, all the rhetoric in the world cannot help him. A
pattern of life is what is needed, not empty speeches; character, not
cleverness; deeds, not words. These things will secure the Kingdom and bestow
Gods blessing. Do not sharpen his tongue but purify his soul. I do not mean
that worldly learning is worthless and to be ignored, but it should not be an
18. Do not think that only monks need to learn the Bible; children about to
go out into the world stand in greater need of Scriptural knowledge. A man who
never travels by sea does not need to know how to equip a ship, or where to find
a pilot or a crew, but a sailor has to know all these things. The same applies
to the monk and the man of this world. The monk lives an untroubled life in a
calm harbor, removed from every storm, while the worldly man is always sailing
the ocean, battling innumerable tempests. Although he himself (the worldly man)
may not have any need (of instruction), it may be necessary to him in case he
must stop the mouths of others.
19. Whoever enjoys great respect in the present life needs such an education
even more. If anyone should serve in the kings palacethere, are many hellenic
philosophers, people who are haughty over their temporary glory. There, everyone
is puffed up and arrogant; and if anyone is not, he strives to become so. How
would it be if your son should enter this company as the best possible doctor
with his medical instruments, able to tame the arrogance of each one,
approaching each one and discoursing, treating the sick body, applying the
plaster of Scripture, disseminating wisdom-loving evidence?
20. With whom shall a monk speak? With the walls of his cell, or his blanket?
With the desert or the bushes? With the hills or the trees?! Thus he does not
need the same teaching, in spite of the fact that he is striving to perfect
himself in itnot in order to teach others, but to teach himself. What about
those people who live in this (worldly) life? They are in total need of this
teaching; for the worldly man is presented with more causes of temptation than
the monk. And if you please, know, that with such an education a man will be the
most pleasant of men. All will begin to respect him when they see that he is not
irascible and seeking after power. Know this, educate your children in the
discipline and knowledge of the Lord. And if some one be poor? Let him remain
poor. It will never be the worse for him if he does not serve among the
courtiers; to the contrary he could become the object of wonder. For if the hellenistswho are a dime a dozen, cynicswho are accepted by those who cost a
dime a dozen, philosophers (meaning Greek philosophers) or rather, philosophers
only in name, dressed up in mantles with flowing hair, are able to put many to
shame; cannot the true lover of wisdom do much more? If a false appearance
alone, the mere shadow of philosophy can so exalt a man, what can be said of the
love for true and enlightened wisdom? Will not everyone begin to respect such a
man? Will they not entrust to him without reservation their houses, wives and
21. Tell me, which trees are best? Do we not prefer those that are inwardly
strong and are not injured by rainstorms, or hail, or gusts of wind, or by any
sort of harsh weather, but stand exposed to them all without fences or garden to
protect them? He who truly loves wisdom is like this, and his riches we have
already described. He has nothing yet has everything; he has everything, yet has
nothing. A fence does not provide internal strength, nor is a wall a natural
support; they provide only artificial protection. What is a strong body? Is it
not one that is healthy, whether hungry or surfeited, cold or warm? Or is it
something that is dependent upon restaurants, tailors, merchants, and physicians
for health? The truly rich man, the true lover of wisdom, needs none of these
things, and that is why the blessed Apostle admonishes us to bring our children
up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
22. Therefore wealth is a hindrance, because it leaves us unprepared for the
hardships of life. So, let us raise our children in such a way that they can
face any trouble, and not be surprised when difficulties come; let us bring them
up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Great will be the reward in
store for us, for if artists who make statues and paint portraits of kings are
held in high esteem, will not God bless ten thousand times more those who reveal
and beautify His royal image (for man is the image of God)? When we teach our
children to be good, to be gentle, to be forgiving (all these are attributes of
God), to be generous, to love their fellow men, to regard this present age as
nothing, we instill virtue in their souls, and reveal the image of God within
them. This, then, is our task: to educate both ourselves and our children in
godliness; otherwise what answer will we have before Christs judgment-seat? If
a man with unruly children is unworthy to be a bishop, how can he be worthy of
the kingdom of heaven? What do you think? If we have an undisciplined wife, or
unruly children, shall we not have to render an account for them? Yes, if this
happens it is because we did not take strict measures as we should have. 
23. Neglect of children is one of the greatest sins, and it is the highest
degree of impiety. And so that I might not seem to draw an unfounded conclusion,
I will demonstrate this with experience itself, so that you will know that even
though we may have everything we need, and all is beautifully arranged, we will
nevertheless be subjected to the most extreme punishment if we do not take care
for the salvation of our children. You know the story of the high priest Eli,
written in the Holy Scriptures. He was an aged, well-known priest, who governed
the Jewish nation faultlessly for twenty years, living during a time that did
not demand great strictness (in life). Nevertheless he could not justify
himself, but to the contrary, perished horribly and disastrously because he did
not concern himself enough with his son's behavior; and the guilt of his
neglect, like a great fault, over shadowed all of Elis qualities and good
works. How then shall we be judged, who live in a time full of much more love of
wisdom, but who do not have his virtues? We not only do not instruct our
children ourselves, but even take revenge upon those who wish to do so, and
treat our own children more cruelly than any barbarians. For the cruelty of the
barbarians leads only to slavery, to the razing and captivity of ones
homelandin general it is only a physical misfortune. But you enslave the very
soul and, binding it like some kind of captive, thus commit it to the evil and
fierce demons and their passions. You do this and nothing else when you
yourselves do not prompt your children in anything spiritual, nor let anyone
else do so.
24. Let no one say to me that there are many besides Eli who neglect their
children but have not endured anything like what Eli endured. Nomany have, and
many endure even a good deal more for that very sin. For what is the cause of
untimely death? What is the cause of our serious and long illness and of our
childrens? What is the cause of losses, misfortunes, distress, the innumerable
multitude of evils? Is it not because we do not try to correct our vicious
children? The misfortune of the elder (Eli) is enough to prove that this is not
mere conjecture. But let me tell you yet another word of our wise fathers.
Thinking of his children, he says this: Delight neither in ungodly sons. Though
they multiply rejoice not in them, except the fear of the Lord be with them.
Trust not thou in their life (Sir. 16:1-3). For you will moan with untimely
grief and will unexpectedly hear of their destruction. Thus, many, as I have
said, endured much the same; if some have escaped (punishment), they will not
escape it forever. If they have escaped it here, then the destruction will be on
their heads, for they will endure very cruel punishments when they leave this
25. We must not act irrationally because God no longer sends prophets and
does not wreak such punishments as that of Eli. Now is not the time for
prophets; besides, He does send them even now. How do we know? They have (it is
said) Moses and the prophets (Lk. 16:29). It was said to them (who lived at the
time of Moses and the prophets) and it is said to us; and God says it not only
to Eli, but through him and his suffering to all who sin as he did. God is no
respecter of persons, and if He destroyed those of a less sinful household, then
He will not leave unpunished those who have committed more serious sins.
26. God Himself takes great care over the upbringing of children. That is why
He placed such a natural attraction in parents toward their childrenin order to
put parents in unescapable necessity of caring for their children. Subsequently,
He created laws concerning their care, and, establishing the feasts, commanded
us to explain their meaning. He summed up the meaning of the Passover in this
instruction: And thou shalt tell thy son in that day, saying, Therefore the Lord
dealt thus with me, as I was going out of Egypt (Ex. 13:8). He does the same in
the Law. For, telling of the first-born, He adds again: And if thy son should
ask thee hereafter, saying, What is this? then thou shalt say to him, With a
strong hand the Lord brought us out of Egypt, both the first-born of man and the
first-born of beast; therefore do I sacrifice every offspring that opens the
womb. The males to the Lord, and every firstborn of my sons I will redeem (Ex.
13:14-15). Through all of this He commands him to lead the children to the
knowledge of God. Even to the children themselves He commands much with respect
to the parents, rewarding the obedient and punishing the disobedient, thereby
making them even more dear to their parents. Actually, when someone makes us
lords over someone else, by this honor he places upon us the greatest obligation
to care for him, so that this alone without anything else is able to convince us
that the entire fate of this person is in our hands, and we will not lightly
dare to injure the one who has been thus entrusted to us. When he also becomes
even more wrathful and displeased with us for breaking this trust than the
offended ones themselves, and becomes a stern punisher, he thereby inspires us
even more to fulfil our obligation. This is what God has done. To these two He
has added a third, natural obligation, and if you like, it is the first. Namely,
it is that parents, having received the commandment to educate their children,
would not disdain His commandment by which God has bound them by natural
obligation. If this tie should be be held in contempt by the children, He has
protected it from being broken entirely by His own punishments and by the
parents. Thus He has subjected children to their parents and inspired love in
the parents for their children. But there is also a fourth method by which God
has strongly and closely bound us with them. He not only punishes those children
who work evil against their parents but He also rewards the good ones. He does
the same with parents, cruelly punishing those who neglect their children, while
granting honor and praise to those who care. Thus did He punish the elder (Eli),
who was worthy of praise in every other respect, but rewarded the patriarch
Abraham for his care no less than for other virtues. For, speaking of those many
and great gifts that He promised to Abraham, God names precisely this virtue as
His reason for such a promise: For I know that he will order his sons, and his
house after him, and they will keep the ways of the Lord, to lo justice and
judgment (Gen. 18:19).
27. I have said this so that you would know that God will not be
condescending to those who are neglectful of those for whom He Himself takes
such care. For it is impossible that one and the same God should do so much to
save these (children), yet pay no attention when their own parents disdain them.
He will not ignore this, but to the contrary, He will all the more fearfully
display His displeasure and wrath, as it actually hap pens. Therefore the
blessed Paul insistently convinces us, saying: Ye fathers... bring them up in
the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). If we  are obligated to
tirelessly care for their souls, as they that must give account (Heb. 13:17), so
much more is the father (obligated to do it), who gave birth to the son, brought
him up and lives constantly with him. For just as he can find no excuse for his
own sins, he cannot find one for his childrens misdeeds. The blessed Paul
showed this same thing. Describing how those who have accepted authority over
others should be, he requires care for their own children over all other
requirements, so that we have no excuse for our childrens unruliness (I Tim.
3,4, 5). And this is perfectly just! If evil in people is from nature, then
everyone would have a right to excuse himself; but as we ourselves are impious
or honorable according to our own will, then what good excuse could one present
who has allowed his son, whom he loves more than anything, to come to impiety
and dishonor? That he did not want to make him honorable? But not one father
will say that nature itself insistently and incessantly inspires him toward
this. Or that he was not able to do it? But this also cannot be said; for
everythingthat he took his son under his protection at a tender age, and that
he alone primarily has been given authority over him, and that he constantly had
him aroundall of this makes the education of his son very easy and convenient.
It means that the childrens unruliness comes from nothing other than the insane
attachment of the fathers to earthly cares. Paying attention only to earthly
cares, and counting nothing to be more important, they involuntarily begin to
neglect the souls of their children. I will say of these fathers (and let no one
consider these words to be born of anger), that they are even worse than
child-killers. The one only sunders the body from the soul, but the other casts
them both into the fires of gehenna. Death is inevitable according to the
natural order, but the second fate could have been avoided if the fathers
neglect had not led up to it. Physical death can be ended instantly by the
resurrection when it comes, but no reward awaits the lost soul; it will receive
not resurrection, but will have to suffer eternally. This means that we not
unjustly call those fathers worse than child-killers. It is not so cruel to
sharpen the sword, take it in the right hand and plunge it into the little
childs heart, as it is to destroy and degrade the soul, for there is nothing
equal to the soul.
28. If the evil were only limited to the parents not giving their children
any beneficial counsel, then the evil would not be so great. But you, parents,
induce your children to do the opposite. Actually, when fathers convince their
children to study sciences, you can hear in the course of their conversation
none other than the following words: So-and-so, they say, is a low-born man of
meager means, who perfected himself in eloquent speech and received a very high
position, acquired a large property, took a rich wife, built a marvelous house,
and has become fearsome and famous to all. Another says: So-and-so learned
Latin, shines in the royal court and wields great influence there. Yet another
points to someone else, and they all speak only of those who are glorified on
earth. But of those who are glorified in heaven no one recounts; and even if one
should recount them, he would be watched as a man who disturbs everything. Thus,
when you instill this in your children from an early age, you teach them nothing
other than the basis for all the vices, planting in them the two most savage
passions that is, love of money, and the even more blameworthy passion of
vainglory. Each of these passions by itself can disorder everything in the
child; but when they are both rooted together in the tender soul of a youth,
then like two united stormy fronts, they destroy everything good and produce so
many thorns, sand and dust that they make the soul fruitless and incapable of
anything good. How do you think your son can escape the devils snares when he
is youngliving in Egypt, or among the devils army, not hearing a beneficial
word from anyone, and seeing that everyone, especially his parents and
educators, are leading him to the opposite? How could he do it? With the help of
your admonitions? But you suggest the opposite to him and, not allowing him to
think about love of wisdom even in his sleep, to the contrary constantly occupy
him with the present life and its gain, and only assist him in his drowning. Or
does it happen by itself? Absolutely not; a youth does not have the strength by
himself to perfect himself in the virtues, and if something good is born in him,
then this good is more likely to perish than grow under the torrent of your
words. For just as the body cannot live long if it feeds on harmful food, so
also the soul, when it receives such suggestions, cannot think about something
good and great; no, being disturbed and weakened as if by some infection, it
will finally inevitably go down to gehenna and perish.
29. For you, as though you were intentionally destroying your children, order
them to do exactly those things which make it impossible to be saved. Look first
of all (at what is written). Woe, it is said, unto you that laugh (Lk. 6:25),
but you give your children a multitude of causes for laughter. Woe unto you that
are rich (Lk. 6:24), but it is your chief concern that they get rich. Woe unto
you when all men shall speak well of you (Lk. 6:26), but you often spend all
your living for the sake of human glory. Again, he who maligns his brother is in
danger of hellfire (Mt. 5:22), but you consider anyone who silently bears
offensive words from others to be weak and cowardly. Christ commands us to avoid
fights and arguments, but you are constantly occupying your children with these
evil affairs. He commanded in many circumstances to pluck out your eye if it
leads to evil (cf. Mt. 5:29), but you especially befriend those who can give you
money, even though they may be teaching extreme depravity. He commanded not to
put away ones wife unless it be for adultery (cf. Mt. 5:32), but when you see
that money can be had, you order that this commandment be disdained. He
absolutely forbade oaths (cf. Mt. 5:34), but you even laugh when you see that
this ban is observed. He that loveth his life, the Lord said, shall lose it, Jn.
12:25), but you do all you can to draw children into this love. If ye forgive
not men their trespasses He says, neither will your heavenly Father forgive your
trespasses (Mt. 6:15), but you even criticize your children when they do not
want to take revenge upon their offenders, and try to bring them to a state
where they will want to do this. Christ said that if you do anything out of
vaingloryfasting, praying, or almsgivingit is all done to no effect (cf. Mt.
6:1), but you only try to arrange that your children receive praise. But why
enumerate everything? If these vices already named are able not just
collectively but even separately to prepare a thousand gehennas, and you, having
gathered them together and laid this unbearably heavy bundle of sins on your
children, send them with it to the lake of fire; how can they save themselves,
carrying so much food for the fire?
30. It is bad enough that you prompt your children to do what is contrary to
Christs commandments, but you also mask them in beneficent-sounding names. You
call the constant attendance of horse races and theaters social life, the
possession of wealth freedom, audacity openness, dissipation
humanitarianism, unfairness manliness. Then, as if this deceit were not
enough, you call virtues by unattractive names: modesty is lack of education,
meekness is cowardice, fair ness is weakness, humility is slavishness, angerlessness is powerlessness. It is as if you are afraid that your child
might hear the true name of these virtues and vices and therefore avoid the
vices like the plague. For calling the vices by their real names does not a
little to inspire aversion for them. I know many people who came to their senses
this way, and, hearing these offensive names, became more modest in life. But
you have deprived your children of this means of correction. And what is worse,
you prompt them to do evil not only by your words but by your deedsyou build
magnificent homes, buy expensive land, surround them with all manner of glitter,
and by all of this, as with some sort of horrid cloud, darken their souls. How
can I be convinced that they can possibly be saved when I see that you incline
them toward the very things that Christ singled out as leading to inevitable
destruction; when I see that you disdain their souls as something unnecessary,
but concern your self with what is truly extravagant as though it were something
necessary and important? You do everything in order to provide your son with a
servant, horse and the best clothing; but you do not even want to think about
making him good himself. No, having stretched yourself in cares over rocks and
trees, there is not the slightest portion of your care left for souls. You do
everything to make sure that there is a lovely statue and golden roof on your
house, but that the most precious of all sculpturesthe soulmight be golden,
you take no thought at all.
31. Furthermore, wishing to acquaint our children with sciences we not only
remove any conflicting teachings, but give them everything that will support it:
we thrust mentors and teachers upon them, give them financial support, free them
from all other occupations; and even more than trainers at Olympic games, we
scream at them about poverty that results from not studying and wealth from
studying. We ourselves and through others do and say everything just to lead
them to finishing their studies; and at that, we do not always succeed. But do
modest manners and diligence over honorable behavior, in our opinion, come by
themselves, regardless of all the many obstacles? What can be worse than this
insanityspending so much time and energy on what is easy as though it were
impossible to succeed in it otherwise, while what is infinitely more difficult
seems to us as something empty and insignificant that will come to us even as we
sleep? For exercise of the soul in the pious life is so many times more
difficult than the study of sciences, so much harder to fulfill than it is
possible to say; it is the difference between action and words.
32. But why, you say, do our children need such wisdom and strict
behavior? This is the very thing that is so all-destructivethat such an
important matter, the support of our life, is considered extravagant and
unnecessary. Having seen your son sick in body, no one would ask why he needs
perfect and strong health. To the contrary you would take every measure to
return his body to a good condition, so that the illness would not return. But
when children have sick souls, they say that they need no treatment; and after
such words they dare to call themselves fathers! What? you say, Shall we only
seek after wisdom and let everything earthly fall apart? No, most respected
ones, it is not love of wisdom but the lack of it that has destroyed and
disrupted everything. For who, tell me, disrupts the present condition of
thingsthose who live continently and modestly, or those who invent new and
unlawful means of delighting themselves? Those who only try to grab other
peoples things for themselves, or those who are content with what they have?
Those who love mankind, who are meek and do not seek honor, or those who demand
honor from their brothers above all obligation, and cause a thousand annoyances
for those who do not rise when they enter, do not say the first greeting, do not
bow before them, or do not agree with them? Those who love to submit, or those
who seek power and positions of authority, and for this are ready to do and
endure anything? Those who consider themselves better than everyone, and
therefore think that they may say and do anything or those who consider
themselves to be last, and thereby tame their unreasonable self-willed passions?
Those who support harlots and defile the marriage beds of others, or those who
are continent even with their own wives? Are not the first in human society
those who are like tumors on the body and lashing winds over the sea, who with
their lack of restraint drown even those who if left alone might have saved
themselves? And are not the last those who are like bright lamps amidst thick
darkness, calling the shipwrecked to their safety, and, having lit on high in
the distance the lamp of wisdom, thus lead those who desire it into the peaceful
harbor? Is it not those others who cause disturbances, wars and fights, and
destruction of the cities, and captivity, and slavery, and loss of freedom, and
murder, and innumerable catastrophes in lifecatastrophes not only wrought on
people by people, but also everything sent from heaven, for example: droughts,
floods, earthquakes, inundation of cities, famines, pestilences, and everything
that is sent to us from there? They debase the social order and destroy the
general good; they bring countless misfortunes on others, obfuscate people who
seek peace, draw them in and then tear them apart from all directions. Courts
and laws, sentences and all manner of punishment were created for these people.
33. If we wanted to educate our children from the earliest age and give them
to those who wished to educate them, our children would of course be able to
stand in the very forefront of battle; because God would not disdain such
fervency and zeal, but would stretch out His hand to complete the sculpture.
When His hand acts, it is impossible not to succeed, or rather, it is impossible
not to reach the highest degree of brilliance and glory, if only we fulfilled
what depends upon us. If women have been able to incline God's help in the
upbringing of children, how much more so could we do the same if we so wanted.
In order not to over-stretch this homily, I shall pass over in silence all other
women and cite only one, though I could have cited many.
There was a Jewess named Hannah. This Hannah gave birth to a son and no
longer hoped to have another, because she was barely able to conceive this one
after many tears due to her barrenness. Although her rival often chided her over
her barren ness, she did not do as you do, but having received the child she
kept him only as long as she needed to feed him milk. As soon as he no longer
needed this food, she took him and immediately dedicated him to God, not asking
that he ever return to his familys house, but leaving him to live always in the
temple of God. And when out of maternal feeling she wished to see him she did
not call the child to herself but came herself with the father to him, treating
him carefully, like a sacrifice to God. This is why the boy became so valorous
and great that when God turned His face from the Jewish people for its extreme
impiety and pronounced no prophecies and sent no visions, this boy again
attracted God with his virtue and begged Him to grant the Jews what they
formerly hadto renew the prophecy that had ceased. He did this when he was not
yet a grown man, but a little child. And the word of the Lord, says the
Scripture, was precious in those days, there was no distinct vision (I Kings
3:1); meanwhile, God often revealed His will to Samuel.
That is how beneficial it is to always give your acquisitions to God, and to
refuse not only money and things, but even your own children. For if this has
been commanded of us with respect to our souls (cf. Mt. 10:37), how much the
more to everything else? The Patriarch Abraham also did this, or rather, he did
much more than this, and that is why he received a son with great glory. We
especially have our children with us when we have given them to the Lord. For He
will preserve them much better than we can because He cares more for them. Have
you not seen how it happens in the homes of rich people? There the low-born
servants who live with their fathers are not so respected or powerful as those
whom the master has taken from the parents, appointed to his service and made
guardians of treasures, giving them great good will and freedom. If men are so
kind and well-disposed toward their servants, much more so will be the Unlimited
Goodness, that is, God.
34. Let us allow our children to serve God, leading them not only to the
temple, like Samuel, but to the very heavens to serve together with the Angels
and Archangels. For anyone can see that one who dedicates himself to love of
wisdom really will be serving with the Angels. Furthermore, such children will
be representing with great boldness not only themselves, but us also. For if
some children have received help from God for their fathers sake, so much more
can fathers receive help for their childrens sake; because in the first case
the right to help comes only from nature, but in the second case it comes also
from upbringing, which is much more important that nature.
I will prove both to you from Divine Scripture. Hezekiah, a virtuous and
pious king but having no boldness according to his own deeds to withstand the
great danger which threatened him, was saved by God for the sake of his fathers
virtue, as God Himself said: And I will defend this city as with a shield, for
my own sake, and for my servant Davids sake (IV Kings 19:34). Paul in his
epistle to Timothy said about parents: she (the woman) shall be saved in
childbearing, f they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety (I
Tim. 2:15). The Scripture praises Job because he was true, blameless, righteous
and godly, abstaining from everything evil (Job 1:1), as well as for his care
for his children Job 1:5). This care consisted not in the collection of wealth
for them, and not in attempts to make them glorious and famous, but in what?
Listen to what the Scripture says: And when the days of the banquet were
completed, Job sent and purified them, having risen up in the morning, and
offered sacrifices for them, according to their number, and one calf for a
sin-offering for their souls: for Job said, lest peradventure my sons have
thought evil in their minds against God. Thus then Job did continually (Job
1:5). What justification will we have if we behave with such neglect? For if
those who lived before the time of grace and the law, who never received any
teachings on the upbringing of children, had such great care for their children
as to tremble even over their secret sinswho will justify us, who live during
the time of grace, have so many teachers, so many examples and instructions, but
meanwhile not only do not fear for their secret sins, but even ignore the
obvious sins; and not only do we ourselves ignore them, but even cast out those
who do not? And Abraham, as I said before, stood out for this virtue more than
for his many other virtues.
35. Thus, having so many examples, let us prepare pious servants and slaves
for God. If those who prepare competitive fighters for cities, or warriors for
the king, are vouchsafed great honor, then what gift shall we receive if we
prepare for God such valorous and great men, or rather, angels? We will do
everything we can in order to leave them the riches of piety which abide
permanently accompany us even after death and can bring great benefit not only
here, but there (in the other world). Worldly riches do not accompany people
into eternity, and they can even perish here before their owners, often even
destroying them. But the riches of piety are permanent in this and the next
life, and preserve those who acquire them in great safety. This is really so:
whoever prefers the earthly over the spiritual will lose both, but whoever longs
for the spiritual and heavenly will probably also receive the earthly. These are
not my words, but those of the Lord Himself, Who promises to give us this good:
seek, He says, first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness and all these
things shall be added unto you (Mt. 6:33). What can compare with this honor?
Concern yourself, He says, with the spiritual, and leave everything else to Me.
A loving father takes all cares of the household upon himself, the governing of
servants and everything else, but advises the son to concern himself with love
of wisdom. So does God. Let us be obedient and begin to seek the kingdom of God;
then we shall see everywhere reverent children, and we ourselves shall be
glorified with them, and delight also in present good things. Only you must love
the future, heavenly things. If you are obedient, you shall receive a great
reward; but if you are contrary and disobedient you will endure terrible
punishments. For we cannot justify ourselves by saying: No one taught us this.
36. Untamed youth has need of many instructors and teachers, guides,
observers and educators. Only with this effort can it be reigned in. An unbroken
horse, an untamed beastthat is youth. Therefore, if we place limits from an
early age we will not need to use such great force; to the contrary, habit will
become law. We will not allow them to do what is pleasant but harmful; we will
not try to please them because they are children, for this brings more harm than
anything to youth. But most of all we will preserve chastity. We should concern
ourselves with this more than anything else, and pay the most attention to this.
We will take wives for them early, so that they would unite themselves to their
brides with pure and incorrupt bodies. This kind of love is especially ardent.
Whoever was chaste before marriage is more likely to remain so after marriage.
But those who learned before marriage to fornicate will do the same after
marriage. For it is written in the Scriptures: All bread is sweet to a
whoremonger (Sir. 23:17). That is why a crown is placed on the headas a sign of
victory, that they are entering the bridal chamber unvanquished, unconquered by
lust. If someone prone to love of pleasure has given himself to harlots, then
what reason does he have for wearing a crown on his head, since he has been
vanquished? We will instill this in them, teach it to them and threaten them in
37. We have been given an important securitychildren. Therefore we shall
take care of them, and take every precaution that the evil one may not steal
them from us. Meanwhile, we do everything backward. We make every effort to
insure that our fields be in good hands. We seek out the most experienced mule
drivers and overseers, but we take no such precautions for what is the most
precious to us and through which all other good things come, namely, that we
might entrust our son to a man that would preserve his chastity. We take care to
provide him with property, but take no care for him himself. Do you see what
insanity has taken control of us! First of all educate your son's soul, and he
will acquire possessions later. If his soul is bad he will not receive the
slightest benefit from money. And vice versa, if he has been given the proper
upbringing, then poverty will not harm him in the least. Do you want to leave
him wealthy? Teach him to be good. For children who have not received the proper
upbringing poverty is better than wealth; it will keep them even against their
will within the bounds of virtue. However, wealth, even for one who does not
wish it, does not allow one to live a chaste life, but lures him into a
countless multitude of crimes.
38. You, mothers, look after your daughters. This should not be difficult for
you. Watch that they sit at home. First of all teach them to be pious, modest,
disdaining money, and not worrying too much about fancy dress. Give them thus to
marriage. If you raise your daughter this way, you will save not only her, but
the husband who takes her; and not only her husband, but the children; and not
only the children, but the grandchildren. If the root is good the branches will
spread out more beautifully, and you will receive your reward for this.
Therefore let us do everything as though we are caring for the good not of one
soul alone, but of many through the one. For at the time of marriage, they
(daughters) should go forth from their fathers houses as fighters from the
place of competition; that is, they should know precisely the entire science, by
which they might, like a leaven, raise all the ingredients to the increase of
39. Again, sons should also be so modest that they might be recognized by
their good morals and chastity, and might earn great praise from men and from
God. Let them learn to refrain themselves from extravagant possessions, to be
thrifty and tenderly loving; let them learn to submit to authority. For they can
in this way obtain a great reward for their parents. Then everything will be
directed towards the glory of God and our salvation in Christ Jesus our Lord, to
Whom with the Father and Holy Spirit be glory, dominion and honor now and ever
and to the ages of ages. Amen.
1. The first part is taken from Christian Reading, 1838, part 4, pp.
242-253, which was taken from vol. 5, Benedict in Mund; vidua Eligatur.
2. The following paragraphs were taken in part from the Twenty-first Homily
on the Epistle to the Ephesians On Marriage and Family translated by
Catherine P. Roth and David Anderson (Crestwood, New York: St. Vladimirs
Seminary Press, 1986), pp. 67-72.
3. The following is taken from the Homily of St. John Chrysostom in
Christian Reading [Russian], vol. 3, p. 145.
4. Spiritual instructors.
5. The following is taken from the ninth Homily on the First Epistle to
This was taken from The Path to Salvation,
by St. Theophan the Recluse (St. Herman of Alaska Brotherhood, 1996), pp.
326-352. In the book it was titled Chapter 9, Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostom on Education. The footnotes have been changed to endnotes for
publishing on the Web.
+ + +
 My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments
 So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to
 Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for
 If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid
 Then shalt thou understand the fear of the LORD, and find the
knowledge of God.
 For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and
 He layeth up sound wisdom for the righteous: he is a buckler to them
that walk uprightly.
 He keepeth the paths of judgment, and preserveth the way of his
 Then shalt thou understand righteousness, and judgment, and equity;
yea, every good path.
 When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant
unto thy soul;
 Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee:
 To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that
speaketh froward things;
 Who leave the paths of uprightness, to walk in the ways of darkness;
 Who rejoice to do evil, and delight in the frowardness of the
 Whose ways are crooked, and they froward in their paths:
 To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which
flattereth with her words;
 Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant
of her God.
 For her house inclineth unto death, and her paths unto the dead.
 None that go unto her return again, neither take they hold of the
paths of life.
 That thou mayest walk in the way of good men, and keep the paths of
 For the upright shall dwell in the land, and the perfect shall
remain in it.
 But the wicked shall be cut off from the earth, and the
transgressors shall be rooted out of it.
 My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my
 For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee.
 Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write
them upon the table of thine heart:
 So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God
 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own
 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.
 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.
 Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all
 So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall
burst out with new wine.
 My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of
 For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in
whom he delighteth.
 Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth
 For the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver,
and the gain thereof than fine gold.
 She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst
desire are not to be compared unto her.
 Length of days is in her right hand; and in her left hand riches and
 Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.
 She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her: and happy is
every one that retaineth her.
 The LORD by wisdom hath founded the earth; by understanding hath he
established the heavens.
 By his knowledge the depths are broken up, and the clouds drop down
 My son, let not them depart from thine eyes: keep sound wisdom and
 So shall they be life unto thy soul, and grace to thy neck.
 Then shalt thou walk in thy way safely, and thy foot shall not
 When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie
down, and thy sleep shall be sweet.
 Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the
wicked, when it cometh.
 For the LORD shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from
 Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the
power of thine hand to do it.
 Say not unto thy neighbour, Go, and come again, and to morrow I will
give; when thou hast it by thee.
 Devise not evil against thy neighbour, seeing he dwelleth securely
 Strive not with a man without cause, if he have done thee no harm.
 Envy thou not the oppressor, and choose none of his ways.
 For the froward is abomination to the LORD: but his secret is with
 The curse of the LORD is in the house of the wicked: but he blesseth
the habitation of the just.
 Surely he scorneth the scorners: but he giveth grace unto the lowly.
 The wise shall inherit glory: but shame shall be the promotion of
See all of Proverbs, esp. Proverbs 1-9.